albinwonderland:

I really try to challenge Canadian stereotypes at every opportunity but today I was walking down Young St. in Toronto and a firetruck honked very loudly and I clutched my chest and said “MY WORD” and as it drove past, a fireman leaned out of the window and apologized to me 
so I just don’t know

(via bitchread)

lonelytreestump:

My girlfriend sneezed and I accidentally said shut the fuck up instead of saying bless you

(via wrappedaroundurfuckinfinger)

• Employer:so tell me, why do you want this job?
• Me:I must survive capitalism